this really hard for me, after he gone and leave me alone.
I was tried to understand the fact, but I can't. I tried to let all gone but it's really hurt me sometimes. I can let myself to stay in this tears everythime I remember him. I can't lie, even I tried to show the happiness in my face. my heart can't be really.
this days 6 April 2015, I went to cemetery. usually we going together to have some prays to my Grandpa. but now i came to pray him. ah, this is really bad for me. I can't hold all my sadness even I tried to make him in peace with my life now. I won't hurt him with all my sadness, but I really can't hold it all.
I just hope that he will rest in peace in heaven now. I loved him much and I know h watching me now. he see me everytime. what i am doing, what i am thinking, i believe he know that well.
you have to know, that I miss you badly. sometimes i want to kill my self, I want to join with you there, I want to see you really. but i realize that i have so many thing to be done, to achieve. and its your words you said to me before your leaving.
I want you to see me happy, even without you all being so hard. even this world so strange for me. without you all was changed. I can't found anyone else like you. never,,,,,
I know you somewhere out there,, some where far a way...
