ABOUT ME

Before we go to this stories, let me tell you some facts about this girl :

• She can't let her nails with a plain color. and nail art is the most important monthly routines.
• She is so addicted to Coffee, can't life without coffee and her favorite is "Starbuck - Americano"
• She won the competition of "Novel of young generation" that held by Indonesian famous author Andrea Herata, and made a book with title "NOTHING" that sale in JABODETABEK's Gramedia.
• She loved cook, since 6years old.
• She damn love her dad and Grandma, nothing important than those two person in her life.
• She can't be hurting, she will get the worst time. all day sleep and stayed in her room for almost one week.
• She love music much !
• She is so ambitious for all the things she want to achieve. she will do anything to make it happen. and this is the story.

Some of you knew my name, but not sure that you really know about me.

20 years ago, I was born to this world. small island, Chinese culture, and small house.

September 15, 1991 exactly I opened this eyes for the first time. I saw my mom was crying, dady was so busy with his stuff, and some people laughing. (in your dream ! you think I can see all of this when I was a baby? this just imagine, I even didn't know what happened in that time).

I was 4years old, when my parents divorced. I live with my dad, and he is everything for me. he work in USA, so that I don't have so many time spending with him. but it doesn't matter, as I have wonder women, I called "ah ma". she is my grandma, my mom exactly. she learned me how to speak Chinese, learned me how to survive with this life, learned me how to be a good little girl. everything run smoothly, I met my dad 2 times a year, it almost CNY season and my holy birthday. he never miss my birthday event, he know me so well and I am the luckiest girl ever to having him in this life.

sometimes he asked me whether I wanna have a new mom, not because he want to married again, but he afraid if I will be missing of mom's figure. I don't understand why God is so good to me, He gave me an amazing men to be my dady, the most important man in my life. for sure, I don't need somebody else, just he and ah ma is more than enough for me. I don't really fucking care what people says about my life. I am a girl that called my grandma as a mom, ya this exactly what they said about me. the weird girl. who's care man! I am enjoy with my whole life, I am happy, and this not depend of what you said to me.

time flies so fast and now I am turning for 20th years old. and this is different live.

3 years ago, I was moving to Java island, because of family matter that I really don't know. they force me to go (not my dad and grandma), and I should go. I have no choice and moved to this fucking place. i really don't understand what they talking about, what they did, everything was changed.

I move to public school, and this such a hell for me. they learning a different religion and I should follow all of this shit condition. i am being a minority and yeah, you can imagine what must I did at this time. I really don't know where's the church here. and I blind, I was leaving the church live for more than 1 years. 

within one year, I can't contact my family, my dady and grandma. I really don't have any idea to get out from this game. this such a nightmare for me. I survive to finish my high school, and this was shocked me guys.

before we going to face the final test, they told me that I can't use my real name, due to there's any Christian name. I really don't have any idea what should I do. okay, I give up and follow their instruction to waste the suffix name. and you know guys, what happened after that? 

I was born with name Yessiana Uli Christian, but now, this fucking nightmare come to me and changed all of my life, my religion, and for sure my name. I want to scream (fuck at all), I don't know what happened with my life, why they really ambitious for all of this. this really make me annoyed. 

this fucking life force me to be tough. after I finished my high school, i moved to Batam. I want to looking for my family and getting back all my life. but this not running smoothly, I don't know where I should going, who I should trusted. I am survive for 3months to find my family, and this is the hardest time for me. it's not like what I am thinking, it's more than all of that.

I am working in Manufacture company as IQC and you know what, this really frustrated me. I should go when normal people go to sleep. and I just sleep when the sun goes up. is this life ? I never imagine this situation before, and I really don't have any idea for this. with this shit situation, I made a hard decision to get my college. I must save a half salary, when all people spend it for their happiness. shit with this. but I don't have any choice. I want to get out from this hell. I started my college, and this make the situation harder. I should share my time for the tasks, when other people go to sleep after 14 working hours ! oh Jesus, this is what happened to me, this made me angry at all.

I wanna give up for many times. really, I can't survive for this situation. so I moved to other company with normal working hours. I get the buyer position, just because I can speak Chinese. Lucky me, it safe my life. I am working with man that come from my home town, and this is really make me bit happy. I enjoyed my new job really. damn enjoyed, especially after I met a guy that I knew before. yah, my primary school mate. and this make me falling in love with this guy. he really make me relieved in this hard situation. some months passed, and damn, I just know that he stayed with my young uncle. this is shit man! how lucky I am !

as you know, well, in few days, I met my grandma and I am easily hear my dad's voice. it's really a great grace! I know God never sleep and He know all will be fine, all will be wonderful in the right time. 

this CNY, I finally met my dady after 4years I can't found him, even heard his voice. this time will be so hard time to feel sad, bad, and upset. all this joys such a miracle for me. Finally, I found my half soul.

I think, I can't say another words, I can't expline you guys. this is so unexpected for me.

thanks Jesus, you never let me to fall. you never let me to lost.

I know, it's sound like Korean drama maybe. but this is a fact guys. this is my life story. I felt down so many times, I felt failed and this wanna killed me. 

Wherever you are, please just be your self, and trusted in God. it will safe you no matter what. so many hard time in this life, but we can't give up with that all. struggle, survive and believe. all we become true, all your dream, all your happiness. TRUST ME.

美花 林